ArcaMax

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my...Read more

- Your back goes out more than you do.

- A fortune teller offers to read your face.

- You turn out the lights for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

- You remember this week that last week was your wedding anniversary.

- You are startled the first time you are addressed as "Old Timer".

- You answer automatically when someone ...Read more

A lady walks into a building and says to the clerk, " I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink, and fries."

The clerk says, "This is a library."

Then the lady whispers, "Sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink and fries.

A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.

"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.

"I'm back...Read more

What happened to the skeleton that was attacked by a dog?
He ran off with some bones and didn't leave him with a leg to stand on!

Where does the werewolf sit in the cinema?
Anywhere he wants to!

How do ghosts like their drinks?
Ice ghoul!

What's a skeleton's favorite pop group?
Boney M!

Why do vampires like school ...Read more

"How disgusting is this? here it is folks, this is the end of the world. A restaurant in Decatur, Georgia is now serving a double bacon cheeseburger that is served between two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. We are now officially ancient Rome. This is the end of our civilization as we know it. In fact, they don't know how many calories are in the ...Read more

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his ...Read more

- It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

- They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

- He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding, he plans to quit his job.

- After the wedding ceremony was over, ...Read more

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy...Read more

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, "What have you got there?"

I replied, "Hummus."

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.

A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes ...Read more

Two men got out of their cars after they collided at an intersection. One took a flask from his pocket and said to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like a nip to calm your nerves."

"Thanks," he said, and took a long pull from the container. "Here, you have one, too," he added, handing back the whiskey.

"Well, I'd rather not," said the first. "At ...Read more

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

A: Because it's in the ground state.

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

- Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

- The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.

- New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.

- Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

- Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to ...Read more